How to Convince Your Spouse to Take a Marriage Course with You
You’ve noticed a few rough patches in your marriage. Maybe communication feels strained, or you’re just going through the motions. You believe a marriage course could provide the tools you need to reconnect and grow stronger together.
There’s just one hurdle: your spouse isn’t on board.
If you’re wondering how to convince your spouse to take a marriage course, the thought of bringing it up might fill you with dread.
You worry about being met with defensiveness, a flat-out “no,” or even an argument. If your partner is hesitant, you are not alone.
Many people face this challenge, and the key to overcoming it lies not in persuasion, but in invitation; not in pressure, but in partnership.
This guide will walk you through gentle, effective strategies to inspire your reluctant spouse to join you.
We’ll focus on understanding their hesitation, choosing the right moment, framing the idea positively, and starting with low-pressure options that can lead to meaningful change.
Why a Spouse Might Say No to a Marriage Course
Before you make your case, it’s crucial to step into your partner’s shoes. Understanding their resistance is the first step to addressing it with empathy. Common reasons for hesitation include:
- Fear of being blamed: Your spouse might worry that the course will become a forum where they are singled out as “the problem.” They may anticipate being ganged up on or criticized.
Reassurance: A good course is never about blame. It’s about understanding patterns and learning new skills together, as a team.
- Belief that courses are only for “broken” marriages: There’s a persistent stigma that seeking help means your relationship is on the brink of failure. Your partner might see it as an admission of defeat rather than an investment in success.
Reassurance: Think of it like a tune-up for your car or a fitness program for your health; it’s proactive maintenance, not emergency surgery. Strong couples use these tools to get even stronger.
- Feeling too busy or overwhelmed: The idea of adding another commitment, especially one that is emotionally demanding, can feel overwhelming to someone already stressed by work, children, and life.
Reassurance: Many modern courses are designed for busy lives. They are self-paced, online, and broken into short, manageable modules that fit into your schedule.
It’s helpful to know that seeking guidance is a sign of strength, not weakness. In fact, about 75% of couples who go to counseling see an improvement in their relationship, and 90% see an improvement in their physical or mental health.
Marriage courses offer many of the same benefits in a more accessible format.
How to Choose the Right Time to Talk About It
When you bring up the idea, it’s just as important as how you present it. Timing can make the difference between a productive conversation and a defensive reaction.
Avoid Bringing It Up in Conflict
Never introduce the idea of a marriage course during or immediately after an argument.
In the heat of the moment, your suggestion will likely be heard as, “You need to be fixed,” and will only escalate the conflict. This timing reinforces all their fears about being blamed and criticized.
Use Calm and Positive Moments
Instead, wait for a moment when you are both relaxed and connected. This allows the idea to be presented as a shared opportunity rather than a pointed solution to a recent problem. Ideal times include:
- A quiet weekend morning over coffee.
- During a peaceful walk or after a fun date night.
- While enjoying a relaxed meal without distractions.
In these positive settings, you are both more likely to be open, receptive, and able to see the potential benefits.
Present the Course as a Positive Experience
Your framing is everything. The words you choose will set the tone for your partner’s entire perception of the endeavor.
When suggesting a marriage course to your spouse, it can help to emphasize benefits rather than making it feel like a diagnosis.
Dr. Scott Stanley, a prominent marriage educator, shares that the “best things people take from a marriage education course are how to talk without fighting, and how to open up and share. They learn how to come back to the conversation in a safe, constructive way. And, they’ll also have increased confidence in their relationship.”
With that being said, here are the factors you need to keep in mind while having a calm discussion with your partner.
Focus on Growth, Not Fixing Problems
Avoid language that implies something is “wrong” or “broken.” Instead, frame the course as an exciting opportunity for growth and discovery, much like learning any new skill together.
- Instead of: “We need help with our communication.”
Try: “I found this course on deepening intimacy that looks really interesting. I thought it could be a fun thing for us to try together, like a date night but for our relationship skills.”
- Instead of: “We should take this course to stop fighting.”
Try: “I was reading about this program focused on building better teamwork. I bet we could learn some cool strategies to make us an even more unstoppable team.”
Highlight Shared Benefits
Emphasize the positive outcomes you can both look forward to. Focus on universal desires that most partners share:
- “I think this could help us understand each other even better.”
- “This might give us tools to make our daily conversations smoother and less stressful, so we have more energy for fun.”
- “Imagine if we could learn to navigate disagreements more easily. We’d have so much more peace and connection.”
Suggest Low-Commitment Ways to Start
The idea of a multi-week, intensive program can be daunting. Instead of asking for a huge commitment, propose a small, low-risk first step.
Try One Short Lesson Together
Find a course that is modular and suggest starting with just one 20-minute lesson. You can even pick a topic that feels relevant but not overly charged.
“This course has a short module on ‘Appreciation in Daily Life.’ It’s only 15 minutes. Want to check it out with me this weekend and see what it’s like?”
Explore Free or Introductory Content
Many online platforms offer free webinars, sample lessons, or short exercises. This is a zero-cost, zero-pressure way to test the waters.
“This relationship expert is doing a free live webinar on communication next week. Should we just watch it together and see if we pick up any tips?”
“I signed up for their free email tips. This one was pretty interesting. Want to read it?”
Handle Hesitation with Patience
If your spouse is still hesitant, your response is critical. Pushing will only create more resistance.
Avoid Pressuring or Nagging
If they say no or “I’ll think about it,” respect their pace. You can simply say, “Okay, no problem. The offer is open if you ever feel curious.”
This removes the pressure and shows you respect their feelings. Nagging will only make them dig their heels in deeper.
Lead by Example
You can still benefit from the material and indirectly improve your relationship by taking the initiative on your own.
Work on your own communication skills, learn about relationship dynamics, and casually share positive insights without lecturing.
“I was listening to a podcast on marriage today and heard a really interesting idea about listening. It made me think I could probably do a better job of that.”
This model a non-defensive attitude toward growth and shows your genuine commitment to improving the relationship, which can be incredibly inspiring to a partner.
Using Self-Paced Learning to Ease Into It
One of the best ways to overcome hesitation is to choose a course format that feels safe and convenient. Self-paced, online marriage courses are often less intimidating than formal therapy or in-person classes.
You can learn from the comfort of your own home, at your own pace. There’s no need to share personal details with a facilitator or other couples.
Additionally, these flexible formats allow you and your spouse to skip topics that don’t feel relevant and focus only on the areas that matter most to you, putting you in complete control of the experience.
Building a Team Mindset Before Starting
Ultimately, the goal is to shift the perspective from “me vs. you” to “us vs. the problem.” You can begin developing this team mindset before even signing up for a course.
Gently encourage a discussion about your mutual goals as a couple. Ask questions like, “What’s your favorite thing about our relationship?” or “What’s one thing you wish was easier for us?”
If you do decide to try a course, agree on some ground rules beforehand: commit to a “no blame” policy, promise to listen without getting defensive, and affirm that you are both on the same team, working toward the same goal.
FAQs
How can I convince my spouse to participate in a marriage course?
Use patience and positive framing. Avoid making it sound like you’re “fixing” them or the relationship.
Instead, invite them to “try” a small, low-pressure activity with you, like watching a free webinar or doing one short lesson, rather than asking for a major commitment.
Why do some spouses resist marriage courses?
Common reasons include fear of being blamed for relationship problems, the stigma that help is only for “broken” marriages, and concerns about time and cost.
Reassure them that it’s about teamwork, not blame; growth, not failure; and that many options are flexible and affordable.
Can taking a course alone still help?
Absolutely. Working on your own communication and relationship skills can have a significant positive impact.
By modeling change and implementing new strategies, you can influence the dynamic of the relationship without your spouse’s direct participation. It demonstrates your commitment and can often inspire them to join later.
What’s the best time to bring up the idea?
The best time is during a calm, positive moment when you are both relaxed and connected, like on a weekend morning, during a walk, or after a good date. Avoid discussing it during or right after a conflict.
Are there low-pressure alternatives to live courses?
Yes. Many experts offer self-paced online toolkits, mini-courses, free email series, or short video modules.
These alternatives feel less like a formal commitment and can be a perfect, non-intimidating way to introduce the concept of relationship learning.
Conclusion: The First Step is a Gentle Invitation
Convincing a reluctant spouse to take a marriage course isn’t about winning an argument. It’s about extending a gentle, loving invitation to grow together.
It requires empathy, patience, and a commitment to framing the experience as a shared adventure rather than a necessary chore.
Keep in mind that change often starts with the smallest of steps. By choosing the right time, focusing on positive growth, and suggesting a low-commitment first step, you significantly increase your chances of getting a “yes.”
And even if the answer is “not right now,” your respectful approach will have strengthened your partnership in its own way.
If you’re looking for a place to start, consider exploring a self-paced relationship course or a free resource that allows you to dip your toes in the water without pressure.
The first step toward a stronger connection might be closer and easier than you think.